Loneliness Is Your Uniqueness Not Accepted

Probably everyone is familiar with the feeling of loneliness. It can appear in various life circumstances: someone has left us and we feel a void and sadness, or we are lost in the forest and the lack of support in this loneliness arouses fear. Most often, the roots of the feeling of loneliness go back to childhood, when a small person is not yet able to function independently, neither physically nor mentally. The life of a child literally depends on the presence of caregivers, their attention and support. They are the intermediary between the child’s world and the outside world. When, for some reason, they don’t fulfil this function properly, the child experiences a sense of incompleteness, which makes them feel lonely, as if deficient and abandoned by the world. The child, as a rule, does not yet know why they came into this world. That is why they explore so much and try to find out what is their greatest passion. The guardians are there to help them discover and manifest it. If there is a child who knows exactly what they want in life from an early age, it is the job of caregivers to see it and help shape it. Thanks to such interaction and care, the child consciously begins to learn about its uniqueness, unlikeness, talents, predispositions and exceptional quality. Because no two people are the same.

In nature, the feeling of inner loneliness does not exist. When an adult says that they feel lonely or are afraid of being lonely, this indicates that there were conditions in childhood that made the child abandon themselves in favor of some external situation. Generally speaking, there was not enough support and not enough security. When a child abandons themselves, they lose the opportunity to get to know their inner Self well, its uniqueness and exceptional quality. Then the adult who continues to have poor contact with their inner Self look for inner support from others. This may seem normal and so “human”, but when we look honestly at what’s going on underneath, we can see that it is more natural for a child who can’t yet support themselves internally, not for the adult.

When a child’s development occurs without any disruptions, a person who finally achieves adulthood has fully developed structures of consciousness, the Inner Child and Inner Parent. The Inner Parent is the one who recognizes, embraces, accepts and loves the inner Self. A little child doesn’t have yet those structures, so it looks up to people outside for support, to be acknowledged, approved and confirmed. If it is not given, a child feels lost and lonely and can’t build a good relationship with the inner Self. The structures of self-awareness don’t develop properly, and later the adult is still looking for internal support from others, like a child.

So when an adult fears loneliness, it’s a direct indicator that the part that feels that way has never been known, acknowledged, or embraced. Its uniqueness and potential are still dormant and transform into a feeling of loneliness.

Note that solitude and uniqueness mean exactly the same thing.

When a person is unique and one of a kind, it means that there is no other like them, that is, they are really alone in this. Only you can experience you fully. No one has a direct access to your one-and-only deeper Self. The diametrical difference is, however, that when uniqueness is not accepted and not lived, it transforms into a feeling of loneliness.

When you know, embrace and own your uniqueness,
you are the only one in it, but in the state of inner fullness and completeness.
When you give up your uniqueness for other survival purposes,
you are cut off from yourself, that is, in the state of loneliness and lack.

It is important to understand that the feeling of loneliness in adulthood is a unhealed trauma of separation, not a natural state of being. From this it also follows that the feeling of loneliness in adulthood cannot be healed by anything from the outside: no relationship, no mission. These are the things that will distract you from loneliness, giving you relief, but not healing it.

Healing loneliness can only come from one thing: recognizing, accepting and embracing your uniqueness, unlikeness and exceptional quality. Then suddenly solitude in this uniqueness becomes the source of the greatest joy of life. Fulfillment comes from within, not from some external purpose. It is quite the opposite: the greater the internal wholeness, the more joyful it becomes to achieve goals, because they flow from inner fullness, and are not chained by the need to fill some internal deficit.

The next time you feel lonely and either feel sad or afraid, know that there is a unique part of you that has not been discovered, accepted, and embraced by you. Know that this is not a reason to despair or to look outside for salvation, but to pay attention to that part, to notice and include it in life. This part doesn’t know how else to call and address you, so it does it through the feeling of loneliness. This part says, “Hey, if you don’t notice me and accept me, I’ll be your loneliness forever. And if you do, I will become the source of your greatest inner happiness.” It’s up to you how you react to it and what you do with it.

If your mind is now telling you that there is nothing unique and exceptional about you, it is not a factual state, but information that you’ve never met some part of you. Because when you come into contact with your inner Self, it is an experience so unique and obvious that there is no way to say that you do not feel your uniqueness. And everyone has it.

If you would like to know more about the structures of self-awareness, that is, the Inner Child and Inner Parent, and what are the optimal conditions for their development, check out the book You Are the Dream of the Universe.