Loneliness Is Your Uniqueness Not Accepted

Almost everyone is familiar with the feeling of loneliness. It can appear in various life circumstances: someone leaves us and we feel a void and sadness, or we get lost in the forest, where the lack of support in this loneliness evokes fear. Most often, the roots of the feeling of loneliness trace back to childhood, when a young child is not yet capable of functioning independently, neither physically nor mentally. The life of a child literally depends on the presence, attention, and support of their caregivers. Caregivers serve as intermediaries between the child’s world and the outside world. When, for some reason, they fail to fulfill this role properly, the child experiences a sense of incompleteness, which makes them feel lonely, as though they are deficient and abandoned by the world. As a rule, the child does not yet know why they came into this world. That is why they explore so much, trying to discover their greatest passion. Caregivers are there to help them uncover and manifest it. If a child knows exactly what they want in life from an early age, it is the job of caregivers to see it and help shape it. Thanks to such interaction and care, the child consciously begins to learn about their uniqueness, distinctiveness, talents, predispositions and exceptional qualities, because no two people are the same.

In nature, the feeling of inner loneliness does not exist. When an adult says that they feel lonely or are afraid of being lonely, this suggests that there were conditions in childhood that made the child abandon themselves in favor of some external situation. Generally speaking, there wasn’t enough support and security. When a child abandons themselves, they lose the opportunity to get to know their inner Self well, its uniqueness, and exceptional qualities. As a result, the adult who still has poor contact with their inner Self seeks internal support from others. This may seem normal and very “human”, but when we look honestly at what’s going on underneath, we can see that it is more natural for a child who can’t yet support themselves internally, than for an adult.

When a child’s development occurs without any disruptions, a person who finally achieves adulthood has fully developed structures of consciousness, the Inner Child and the Inner Parent. The Inner Parent is the one who recognizes, embraces, accepts and loves the inner Self. A young child does not yet have those structures, so they look to people outside for support, to be acknowledged, approved and confirmed. If this is not given, the child feels lost and lonely and cannot build a good relationship with the inner Self. The structures of self-awareness don’t develop properly, and later, the adult continues to seek internal support from others, like a child.

So when an adult fears loneliness, it’s a direct indicator that the part of them that feels this way has never been known, acknowledged, or embraced. Their uniqueness and potential are still dormant and have transform into a feeling of loneliness.

Note that solitude and uniqueness mean exactly the same thing.

When a person is unique and one of a kind, it means that there is no other like them, in other words, they are truly alone in this. Only you can experience yourself fully. No one has direct access to your one-and-only deeper Self. The diametrical difference, however, is that when uniqueness is not accepted or lived, it transforms into a feeling of loneliness.

When you know, embrace and own your uniqueness,
you are the only one in it, but you exist in a state of inner fullness and completeness.
When you give up your uniqueness for the sake of survival ,
you are cut off from yourself, leaving you in a state of loneliness and lack.

It is important to understand that the feeling of loneliness in adulthood is an unhealed trauma of separation, not a natural state of being. From this, it follows that the feeling of loneliness in adulthood cannot be healed by anything from the outside: no relationship, no mission. These are things that will distract you from loneliness, giving you relief, but not healing it.

Healing loneliness can only come from one thing: recognizing, accepting and embracing your uniqueness, distinctiveness, and exceptional quality. Then suddenly solitude in this uniqueness becomes the source of the greatest joy in life. Fulfillment comes from within, not from some external purpose. In fact, it is quite the opposite: the greater the internal wholeness, the more joyful it becomes to achieve goals, because they flow from inner fullness, and are not driven by the need to fill some internal deficit.

The next time you feel lonely and either sad or afraid, know that there is a unique part of you that has not been discovered, accepted, and embraced by you. Understand that this is not a reason to despair or to look outside for salvation, but to pay attention to that part, to notice it and include it in your life. This part doesn’t know how else to reach you, so it does it through the feeling of loneliness. This part says, “Hey, if you don’t notice me and accept me, I’ll be your loneliness forever. And if you do, I will become the source of your greatest inner happiness.” It’s up to you how you react to it and what you do with it.

If your mind is now telling you that there is nothing unique or exceptional about you, this is not a factual state, but a sign that you’ve never met some part of yourself. Because when you come into contact with your inner Self, it is an experience so unique and obvious that there is no way to say that you do not feel your uniqueness. And everyone has it.

If you would like to know more about the structures of self-awareness, such as the Inner Child and Inner Parent, and what the optimal conditions for their development are, I invite you to check out the book You Are the Dream of the Universe.